This resource is broken into two parts: Managing Conflict and Dealing with Intense Situtations

view of the Earth from a space-like perspective, with the sun in the frame

Note: This resource is cross-posted on Engineering Lesson 4 and Atmospheric Science Lesson 10

Managing Conflict

Content used with permission from: Managing Conflict in Academia; Virginia Bratton, Jake Jabs College of Business and Entrepreneurship, Montana State University

Overview and directions

  1. What is conflict and where does it come from? Read the material in this section.
  2. Styles of conflict: complete the Conflict Styles questionnaire, then read about the styles.
  3. Managing conflict: Read the Managing Conflict Guide.
  4. Practice: complete the Difficult Conversations Worksheet.

What is conflict and where does it come from?

Definition

… “sharp disagreement or opposition" and includes "the perceived divergence of interest, or a belief that the parties' current aspirations cannot be achieved simultaneously.”

The Absence of Conflict is not harmony, it’s apathy.

Functions and Dysfunctions of Conflict

The challenge is to keep constructive conflict over issues from degenerating into dysfunctional interpersonal conflict… to encourage managers to argue without destroying their ability to work as a team(Bourgeois, Eisenhardt, and Kahwajy, 1997).

Functions of Conflict

  1. Makes employees more aware and able to cope with problems.
  2. Promises organizational change and adaptation.
  3. Strengthens relationships and heightens morale.
  4. Promotes awareness of self and others.
  5. Enhances personal development.
  6. Encourages psychological development—it helps people become more accurate and realistic in their self‐appraisals.
  7. Can be stimulating and fun.

Dysfunctions of Conflict

  1. Competitive, win-lose goals
  2. Misperception and bias
  3. Emotionality (uncontrolled)
  4. Decreased communication
  5. Blurred issues
  6. Rigid commitments
  7. Magnified differences, minimized similarities
  8. Escalation of conflict

Styles of conflict

Grab a piece of scratch paper and pen or a digitial note. Complete the Questionnaire, keeping track of your score for each conflict style type. After you find which type, A through H, you scored highest, read through the Conflict Styles. Does the type you scored the highest fit you? How might recognizing different styles in others help when conflict arrises?  

The statements below consist of different strategies used in dealing with conflicts. Use the following scale for each item under the different styles, finding which style you score the highest. You can score as high as 16 or as low as 4 for each style.

How often do I feel or act this way?

  • Most Times: 4
  • Often: 3
  • Sometimes: 2
  • Rarely: 1

I find it easier to withdraw from situations that involve conflict.

I find reasons to delay dealing with conflict situations.

When there are clashes at work, I try to stay away and not get involved.

I reach agreements as quickly as possible so that I don't really have to confront them.

 I predict conflicts before they even happen and plan scenarios to deal with them.

I guard myself by going over many moves and strategies when I anticipate a conflict.

I think about past, present, and future conflicts a great deal so I can be prepared.

I seek out situations where there may be conflict to protect myself.

I want to make myself right and the other wrong in conflict situations.

When there's an argument or a disagreement I want to win it.

I try to overpower and intimidate the person with whom I am quarreling.

It is more important for me to win an argument than to be accepted or liked.

I feel that the relationship is more important than winning an argument.

I would prefer to make peace than engage in heated arguments.

I believe that harmony in a relationship is more important than being right or wrong in a conflict.

In confronting situations, I give in to get it over with.

It is important for me to remain calm during the time a conflict occurs.

I believe that one should be rational and cool during the heat of a conflict.

I am fearful of expressing too much emotion during a quarrel.

I put control of my feelings most important in communicating during a conflict.

I am the kind of person who shows emotions easily during conflict.

I am very intense when there is discord or disagreement.

When I'm in a conflict, I have to share my feelings so I'm understood.

Getting very emotional during a conflict is a strategy I like to take.

The best way to deal with conflict is when each party gives up something.

"You do for me and I do for you" is the best way to manage conflicts.

If I can't win in a conflict, I need to compromise.

I don't believe you can really get a win-win. It's mostly a draw.

I look at confronting a conflict in a positive and productive way.

I try to look at conflicts with others as an opportunity for understanding and growth.

I am able to meet my needs in conflict situations and also satisfy the other person's needs, too.

I find conflicts give me an opportunity to learn more about the other person.

Read through these descriptions, advantages and disadvantages. One scenario might call for a different approach than another. 

People with this style view conflict in very negative ways. They feel that in any conflict they have something to lose. They fear being too vulnerable or helpless in conflict situations. By avoiding conflict, they maintain their security. Sometimes this conflict avoidance takes the form of denial, such as ‘We don’t have conflicts in the company. We’re a happy family.’ Avoiding conflict can also be a shield against admitting failure in dealing with difficult situations.

Advantage: Issue is too heated, and time is needed to cool off and think it through.

Disadvantage: Avoidance can lead to escalation, creating more tension.

People with this style see conflict or the potential for conflict in all interactions. Because of this assumption of impending conflict, they want to prepare themselves ahead of time to deal with an upcoming difficult encounter. They create imaginary scripts to respond to real or imagined challenges. They’re like “conflict collectors.”

Advantage: Anticipating roadblocks and planning in advance can be an effective strategy.

Disadvantage: Seeing danger when it may not be there can exacerbate the situation.

People with this style are highly motivated to get what they want and have their ego tied up with winning any confrontation they are in. They often need to make the other person feel that what they are doing is wrong. They tend to be inflexible in their approach and try to overpower others. They can unleash a variety of “hardball” tactics and are not concerned about the quality of relationships.

Advantage: In an emergency, quick decisions may be needed without the luxury of collaboration.

Disadvantage: Strong‐arm methods can lead to polarization and demoralization.

People with this style favor harmony over winning. They concede to others in a conflict to maintain a pleasant relationship. They’re afraid of what may ensue in direct confrontation. They tend not to express their needs and have developed strategies to smooth things over.

Advantage: Preserving relationships and having other peoples’ needs met may be more important than one’s own needs in particular situations.

Disadvantage: Gives the other party the impression of weakness and susceptibility to exploitation.

People with this style value maintaining complete calm during any conflict. By remaining calm, they can be more rational. This ‘cool’ exterior sometimes masks turmoil within. These people rarely express feelings during a conflict and resent those who do.

Advantage: Keeps the emotional atmosphere stable, allowing for more rational discussion.

Disadvantage: Gives the other person an impression of being uncaring and aloof.

These people have a style opposite to that of the “calm” style. In contrast, they consider expressing themselves and consider expressing emotions as a critical part of settling disputes. They use broad gestures and dramatic postures. They believe that it is perfectly acceptable to be emotional and rational at the same time.

Advantage: Can help to persuade others that this is a very important issue.

Disadvantage: Can alienate people who are uncomfortable with strong expressions of feelings.

People with this style try to be the peacemakers. Their aim is to settle disputes by looking at ways for both parties to give in. They may not be aware of different options to settle conflicts or opportunities to be creative in problem solving. They think of a solution as a realistic settlement; perhaps a partial win-win.

Advantage: When there is an impasse, it may be best for both sides to give in.

Disadvantage: Making concessions too quickly rules out a truly integrated solution where both sides really feel they have “won.”

People with this style see conflict as an opportunity to fulfill mutual interests. They want to create an atmosphere where different perspectives are heard and understood. They look for ways in which to build agreement and strengthen relationships.

Advantage: This is the settlement that is highly constructive and assists in relationship building.

Disadvantage: It can be too time consuming when the needs and interests of all parties must be explored.

Managing Conflict Guide

The following is a guide for managing conflict. The steps are:

  • Never act or speak before you think.
  • Take time to calm down and control your emotions.
  • Look at the situation from all perspectives.
  • Stay objective when thinking about the conflict.
  • Focus on the problem, not the person.
  • Think through your conversation, along with likely responses.
  • Refrain from taking sides in other people's problems.
  • Try to help the other person objectify the situation, rather than make judgments.

  • Never draw conclusions before first speaking to the other person.
  • Question the other person in an objective and respectful manner.
  • Carefully listen to response so that you gain understanding of how the other person views the issue.
  • If more than two people are involved, get everyone together and allow each person to tell their version of the situation.
  • Listen carefully and avoid interrupting.
  • When it's your turn to respond, control your emotions.
  • If someone becomes upset or starts losing control of emotions, acknowledge and offer an assurance. Defer discussion until the person has had time to calm down.

  • When you feel you have enough information, restate the problem from your viewpoint. Then ask others how they view the problem.
  • Say something like: “I see it this way…. How do you see it?”
  • Before you move on to find a workable solution, everyone must agree on how the problem is defined.

  • After offering your best solution, ask if other party/parties agree.
  • If everyone agrees, then you're ready to move to the final step.
  • If they don't agree, ask for other ideas.
  • Allow everyone to propose a solution.
  • Analyze the consequences of each proposal.
  • Be respectful of everyone's opinion.
  • Keep the focus on finding the best solution.
  • Emphasize that this is not a blame game.
  • Try to find common ground‐ look for things on which you can agree.
  • Be prepared for give and take. Be the one to offer a compromise.
  • If role is to facilitate conflict resolution that doesn't directly involve you, maintain objectivity.
  • If discussion stalls, postpone meeting to give everyone chance to calm down and look at situation more objectively.

  • Reach agreement through consensus, taking a vote, or one person making the call.
  • Attempt to reach agreement through consensus, where everyone agrees on the outcome.
  • If you resort to deciding by majority rule, explain why the majority feels this is the best decision.
  • If you must make a final call, explain that you listened carefully to everyone's suggestions and made best decision based on information you had.
  • Once you've arrived at agreement, restate resolution and give everyone chance for additional input to ensure that they buy into final decision.

 

Difficult Conversations Worksheet

Think of a recent conflict that you were involved in. Write sample phrases for each category.

[You may also download this worksheet as as PDF] Alternative download; same as the text below

1.     Begin with “I” phrases: Begin with “I” phrases- don’t open a difficult conversation with the word you.

Sample “I” Phrases:

2.     Phrases of Understanding: Let the person know you understand s/he may view the situation differently.

Sample Phrases of Understanding:

3.     Phrases of Apology: Saying I’m sorry means you are taking responsibility for resolving the conflict and mending the relationship.

Sample Phrases of Apology:

4.     Phrases of Compromise: Let the person know you are flexible, are willing to gain a better understanding of the situation, will listen with an open mind, and will try to find middle ground.

Sample Phrases of Compromise:

5.     Phrases of Resolution: Make sure that everyone truly is in agreement about the outcome and, in the event that you aren't able to garner agreement from all the involved parties, you want to make sure that everyone understands why this is the best solution.

Sample Phrases of Resolution:

6.     Phrases of Reconciliation: Let the person know that s/he is important to you ends your conversation on a positive note and will strengthen your working relationship.

Sample Phrases of Reconciliation:

Dealing with Intense Situations

The eclipse campaigns are intense situations and might bring up discord. We want to provide some tips to consider having in mind prior to the April eclipse. These tips were pulled from the sources listed in the last expander.

Research shows a link between stress and desire for sugary and fatty foods. Also consider being careful about caffeine intake – it often makes nerves even worse. Chances are that the adrenaline of the situation is more than enough to keep you alert.

When you’re stressed, your body needs more sleep and rest. Lack of quality sleep can make symptoms of mental health conditions worse, such as stress, anxiety, and depression.

As you encounter a stressful situation, you may sense your muscles tensing, your heart pounding, and your palms sweating. Becoming aware of this physical response is key to coping with stress

Deep breathing is one of the most effective ways to lower stress in your body, and you can do it anytime, anywhere. It will instantly relax you and help bring down your heart rate too. Here’s an easy way to practice deep breathing using an exercise called box breathing: 1) focus on your breath, inhale for a count of 4; 2) hold your breath for a count of 4; 3) exhale for a count of 4; 4) hold for a count of 4. Repeat several times until you notice feeling calmer.

When the pressure’s on, don’t act on instinct. Instead, take a step back and analyze the situation. If you conflict with someone else and need a moment to regroup, tell them so. You—and your relationship with them—will be better off.

The weather, other people’s actions… these are things you can’t control. Instead, experts recommend channeling your energy toward what you CAN control. These include your own behaviors, how you plan, and the people you spend time with. Try grabbing a pen and paper and writing about the stressful situation, explaining how it’s making you feel in your body and mind. You can also make a list or write a “brain dump”. This can give you some perspective into your feelings, which might help you make decisions and feel less overwhelmed.

In a stressful situation, focusing your mind on something besides the anger, resentment, or frustration you are feeling can help. This gives your brain a chance to stop and think for a minute, and hopefully break the cycle of stress. (But beware of endless distractions, a.k.a. procrastination, which will only compound your stress.)

No matter how you feel on the inside, try projecting calmness with your voice. If you can avoid sounding stressed or panicked, it will relax both you and others around you. Often, your outlook will follow suit.

Practicing meditation can teach you to better monitor your mind and observe what is happening around you.

When faced with stress, the body responds with the fight, flight, or freeze response. This might include an increased heart rate, shallow breathing, or muscle tension. These physical reactions are the body’s way of responding to a threat. Moving your body can help you relieve some of these physical stress responses, which, in turn, can soothe psychological stress.

Sometimes venting your frustrations aloud allows you to regroup; at other times, it’s helpful to hear a new perspective.

When you’re anxious or angry, so much of your energy is being spent on irrational thoughts. When you’re calm, find a “centering object” such as a polished rock you keep in your pocket. Tell yourself that you’re going to touch this object when you’re experiencing anxiety or frustration. This centers you and helps calm your thoughts.

The entirety of Jen’s talk is amazing but listen especially to timestamp 52:43 to 56:30 for some advice you can apply on your next flight!

How Total Solar Eclipses Changed My Career by Jennifer Fowler, NASA Langley Research Center

Watch the YouTube video, 13 minutes and closed captioned. The video is part of the Atmospheric Science course, lesson 10.